I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Semen is not good for contacts.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
