Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
