I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
