Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I met the friendliest cop last night
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
