I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
