69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
