i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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