Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
