how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
is that a dick in a sweater?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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