Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
