I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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