yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
