It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
