Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
