I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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