you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
