i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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