I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just tell him i said nine months
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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