Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
