He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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