I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
