At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
