so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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