when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
