that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
