sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
