If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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