I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
