My hand turned me down
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
