the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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