im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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