so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
