then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My ass is underappreciated
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
