At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
