remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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