No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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