If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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