Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
