dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.