Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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