my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks