never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
