guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
