I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
