these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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