I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
