If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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