I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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