its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
