I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Still dying that you shit outside
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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