Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
