She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
