I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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