I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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