Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
