and you said cock pushups were impossible
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
