apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
