If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
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If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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