Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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