i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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