i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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