So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
