You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dick very happy bro
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
