6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize