so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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