so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
