So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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