But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
