Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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