I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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