East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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