I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
