Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
