She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
