Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
