bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A+ Viking dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
