I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
