He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
