I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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