just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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