bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
