dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
